I used to love that song — Insomnia by Faithless. A total classic. But while it’s great for dancing, real-life insomnia? It’s devastating.
Last year, my father-in-law passed away from cancer. The months leading up to his death were heartbreaking. He was in the hospital, then a hospice, slowly slipping away. He was a fantastic man, an integral part of our lives, and losing him hit us all hard.
I’ve always been a light sleeper, the kind who wears sleep masks and earplugs religiously. But last July, around the time he was hospitalised, my sleep nosedived. And I mean really nosedived. Not just the occasional restless night — some nights, I was lucky to get one or two hours of sleep. It was infuriating. Soul-destroying. I felt like the undead, trudging through life with cotton wool stuffed in my brain. My patience? Gone. My mood? Miserable. My poor family had no choice but to put up with me.
I was stuck in a vicious cycle of stress, fear, overthinking and despair, until I was too exhausted to care anymore.
The Therapist Who Couldn’t Fix Her Own Sleep
As a therapist and coach, I know how important sleep is. I talk to clients about anxiety all the time, and a ripple effect of managing that is often better sleep. But despite having support from an amazing coach and my clinical supervisor, nothing helped my insomnia. Not meditation, not breathing exercises, not sleep yoga. I felt broken.
If a client came to me with this, I’d explore what was keeping them awake. Anxiety? Stress? Feeling out of control? The brain, like our emotions, is always trying to protect us. But even after untangling my own stressors, my sleep didn’t improve. And the thoughts keeping me up weren’t profound — just boring, meaningless loops of nothing. I was at a complete loss.
The Desperate Attempts
I tried everything:
- Sleep teas, hot milk, hot milk with saffron
- Three different pricey sleep supplements
- Magnesium, ashwagandha, lavender oil
- Journaling and de-stressing before bed
- My husband taking over bedtime duties for the kids so I could unwind
- Sleeping alone (he snores, and usually I’d just whack him and go back to sleep — but not anymore)
- No alcohol, no caffeine, and regular exercise (okay, just walking — I was too exhausted for anything else)
I even read about foods that boost melatonin, so I ate loads of pistachios and almonds. I tried blackout blinds, new pillows, and strict sleep hygiene. Nothing worked.
In the darkest hours of the night, I felt more desperate than I’d ever admit out loud. Writing that now still brings the emotion back. That’s how much the exhaustion had worn me down.
The GP’s ‘Solutions’
It took a month to get a GP appointment. Apparently, insomnia isn’t considered urgent. I beg to differ.
I wondered if I was perimenopausal, but since insomnia was my only symptom, the doctor dismissed that. She also refused to prescribe sleeping pills (too addictive, too many side effects). Instead, she suggested Phenergan, an over-the-counter antihistamine that makes you drowsy. It worked somewhat — I could get a few hours of sleep — but you can only take it for seven nights at a time. No one could tell me how long I had to wait before taking it again. Frustrating.
She also recommended Sleepstation, a cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) sleep programme. I rolled my eyes at first — I mean, an app?! But I was desperate, so I gave it a go. And honestly? I’m glad I did. If you’re struggling with sleep, I recommend it.
What Actually Helped Me Sleep Again
Here’s what finally worked for me:
1. Set a Wake-Up Time and Stick to It
This was a game-changer. No matter how little sleep I got, I woke up at the same time every day. It reprogrammed my internal clock.
2. Get Morning Sunlight
Looking at daylight first thing in the morning triggers melatonin production later in the day. So now, even though I’m not a morning person and the light hurts my eyes, I stare out the window every morning. It works.
3. Know the Difference Between Exhausted and Sleepy
I used to think being wiped out meant I should go to bed early. Wrong. True sleepiness means struggling to keep your eyes open and feeling like eating would be too much effort. If I wasn’t at that point, I stayed up.
4. Create a Wind-Down Routine
A warm bath, herbal tea, journaling, stretching — anything that signals to your body, Hey, it’s time to slow down.
5. Track Your Sleep
Using Sleepstation and an Oura ring helped me see patterns. I realised that the more stress I had during the day, the worse I slept. Makes sense, right?
6. Ditch the Sleep Anxiety
This one’s tough. But I had to remind myself: waking up at night is normal. Evolutionarily, it kept us safe from predators. The trick is to not panic when it happens.
7. Follow a Sleep-Restriction Plan
At first, this sucked. I went from spending 10+ hours in bed not sleeping to restricting myself to just six hours in bed. But over time, my brain got the message: bed = sleep. Now, I’m averaging seven hours a night. A miracle.
8. Listen to Sleep Meditations
Focusing on body sensations rather than racing thoughts helps me drift off. I do a short bedtime meditation every night.
The Manchester Mystery
Here’s the weird part. Amid my worst insomnia, I went on a trip to Manchester. I was exhausted, running on adrenaline, but determined to see my friends. While I was there, I did everything wrong — drank alcohol, ate spicy food late at night, stayed up past 2am. And guess what? I slept great.
Why? Maybe the excitement and socialising distracted me from my sleep anxiety. Maybe the change of environment helped reset something in my brain. Whatever it was, I came home feeling better. And then… the insomnia returned. Classic.
Final Thoughts
If you’re struggling with sleep, know this: you are not alone. Insomnia is brutal. Torturous. But it can be fixed.
My advice? Make a plan. Experiment with different strategies. And most importantly, don’t let sleep anxiety take over. Your body wants to sleep. You just have to give it the right signals.
You deserve rest. And I promise, you can get it back.