Of everything I hear in sessions, this is the question that comes up most from clients in their twenties. More than any other age group.

"Am I wasting my life?"

It's a particular kind of comparison. Not just to other people, but to a clock.

You're the youngest you'll ever be again, yet it rarely feels that way. Instead, it feels as though you're already running out of time. Like everyone else somehow received a handbook explaining exactly when life is supposed to happen. You've got friends and know people that are behind you, but that's not enough.

By now you should have the career, the relationship, the house, a plan for children, the travelling, the confidence and the certainty. And if even one of those pieces isn't in place, especially while watching some friends appear to have everything figured out, it can feel as though you're falling behind in a race that nobody ever agreed to run.

The voice isn't trying to hurt you. It's trying to protect your future.

When clients tell me they're wasting their life, I rarely hear laziness. I hear fear.

It's the critical voice saying, "You're behind." "You're running out of time." "Everyone else is getting somewhere while you're standing still."

It isn't speaking because it hates you. It's speaking because it desperately wants you to have a meaningful life. The intention is actually quite beautiful. The method is awful.

Your mind believes that if it worries enough, criticises enough and pressures you enough, it will somehow stop you making mistakes. It thinks anxiety is motivation.

But anxiety rarely creates meaningful action. More often, it creates overwhelm.

Self criticism doesn't create momentum

Imagine trying to motivate a friend by following them around every day saying, "You're failing." "You're wasting your life." "Look how much further everyone else is."

Eventually they would stop believing they were capable of changing anything at all.

Yet many of us speak to ourselves exactly like this. It's like we assume harshness creates discipline. When actually it creates paralysis.

The more ashamed we feel, the smaller our world becomes. We avoid. We procrastinate. We compare even more. And the cycle continues.

Are you comparing your whole life to someone else's highlight

Comparison is rarely fair. We don't compare our whole lives with somebody else's whole life. We compare our biggest insecurity with their biggest success.

You see someone who appears effortlessly fit. You don't see the years of consistency, the early mornings, the injuries, the meals they didn't eat or the days they didn't feel like training but did it anyway.

Or perhaps you see someone happily engaged. You don't see the relationships that ended, the loneliness, the therapy, the uncertainty or the compromises that came before it.

We often compare our unfinished chapter to somebody else's polished page. And of course we feel really behind.

You're probably succeeding somewhere you're no longer noticing

One question I often ask clients is this.

Where is your time actually going?

If you feel guilty for not travelling, where is your time going?

If you wish you exercised more, where is your time going?

If you think you're wasting your twenties, where is your time going?

Very often the answer is work. Or studying. Or raising children. Or caring for family. Or recovering from something difficult.

That isn't wasted time. That's life asking something of you.

I recently spoke with a client who had just received a promotion. It was something they had worked incredibly hard for. Yet instead of feeling proud, they were quietly criticising themselves for not also having the relationship, the fitness routine, the perfect social life and plans to travel.

They were achieving something genuinely significant. It simply didn't count in their mind because their attention was fixed entirely on what wasn't there yet.

Life doesn't grow equally in every direction

I think one of the biggest myths we absorb is that every area of life should progress together.

Career. Relationships. Health. Friendships. Finances. Family. Purpose. Adventure.

As though we're supposed to level everything up simultaneously.

But life rarely works like that.

Sometimes we're building a career. Sometimes we're healing. Sometimes we're raising children. Sometimes we're surviving. Sometimes we're simply learning who we are.

Growth isn't linear. It's seasonal. Different parts of life need us at different times.

A gentler way to take stock

If you've found yourself wondering whether you're wasting your life, try asking a different question.

What am I actually building right now?

What has my time been devoted to?

What has my energy been carrying?

What have I quietly become better at over the last year?

Because wherever your attention has genuinely been, something has been growing.

You may not have every box ticked. Very few people do.

Life isn't measured by how many milestones you've collected by a certain birthday. It's measured by whether you're moving, however slowly, towards a life that feels meaningful to you.

And that's a very different question.